You are here: ninemsn > Ralph > stuff
Jokes
RALPH jokes

We've picked some crackers! Jokes so funny they'll have her gagging and your mates thinking you're the funniest bloke in the pub.

[0..9] A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Right up there with Billy Connolly, Danny Bhoy is one of Scotland's funniest comedians. He's touring Oz in April and May this year and with tickets on sale now, you can check out some of his funniest jokes from his hilarious career here.


The Chaser's War on Everything's Craig Reucassel will host the Aussie version of the popular Pommy comedy series, Balls of Steel.



Best known as hapless manager Murray Hewitt, NZ funnyman Rhys Darby gives the lowdown on how to woo women and why the All Blacks keep thumping us in rugby.



Robin Williams, the comic madman who set his nipples alight in Mrs Doubtfire, has made more than 60 movies and survived several trips to rehab and recent heart surgery. And he's bringing his Weapons of Self Destruction tour to Australia in November.



Due to taking Katy Perry off the market, Russell Brand is ranked 51st in RALPH’s Wanker of the Year. But he's still a funny bastard, so here's 10 of his funniest gags.




Funnyman Pauly Shore, who starred in Encino Man and Bio-Dome, is touring Oz and its time to chuckle over his most cack-tastic gags.





There was a knock on the door this morning.
I opened it and there was a young bloke standing there who said: "I'm a Jehovah's Witness."


A bloke was bothering a waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was hot. Then he asked for it to be turned down as it was too cold.


Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.


A nun gets into the cab and notices that the driver won't stop staring at her.


Anna lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but she didn't know anyone.


After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one night, when the missus felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.


The Melbourne International Comedy Festival starts tomorrow and runs until April 26. To get your funny bone primed, we’ve got the funniest gags by the 10 funniest blokes there.



Garry had been asking the hottest girl in town for a date. One day she finally agreed to go out with him. Gaz took Jenny to a nice restaurant and bought her a fancy dinner with expensive wine.



A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch. But the busy bartender decides to serve the guy the first scotch he can find


Two men who were waiting at the Pearly Gates struck up a conversation with one another.


Jill always falls asleep in Bible class. One day the teacher noticed she was sleeping, and asked her, "Who died on the cross for our sins?" Her friend poked her in the back and she yelled out ”Jesus."


A man who's been married for 10 years asks his wife.


An old couple went to the doctor and asked him, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse


Four blokes are playing a round of golf. They’re on about the third hole when the first guy says, “What did you have to do to come golfing?”

advertisement



Also on Ninemsn
BITE MECook like a pro with RALPH's recipe of the week:
American style BBQ ribs

MORE RECIPES

Vote
Who's hotter, Jennifer Hawkins or Miranda Kerr?
Search
Search
NewsletterSign-up to the Ralph newsletter to get the latest Babe news